The ladies think that all they have to do on Valentines Day is to stop by Victoria Secret and buy a silky-frilly thing. OK, that IS all they have to do. But that’s not fair because that would work on us any old day and they know it!
We men have to think up something special and romantic every year. If we miss the mark or—heaven help us—do the same thing more than once… And there is no statute of limitations either. No matter how cool or romantic the activity, twenty years from now, should you repeat a Valentine’s Day activity from 2009, she will remember.
...So...What Are You Going to Do This Year?Valentine’s Day is around the corner and the pressure is on. But don’t worry. Here are three little secrets from the book of extremely romantic Valentines Day ideas. And the best part? They all involve drinking hard liquor and none of them will break the bank.
#1: The Cinematic Tie InHere’s the set up. You find her favorite movie, rent it on Netflix, and serve snacks paired with the cocktails that are served in the movie. Easy! Don’t know her favorite flick? No problem! Pick the kind of movie she would like and build from there.
Does she like comedies? Get a copy of The Big Lebowski and serve White Russians. Or how about Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day and his Sweet Vermouth with a twist? If you are a very lucky guy and she loves The Blues Brothers you will both be drinking Orange Whips … in the dark … while wearing sunglasses … and nothing else.
Does she like classic film? Nothing beats Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca sipping the classic Champagne cocktail—the French 75. Or let her slip into a series of White Angels like Audrey Hepburn while watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Or try this … show her favorite James Bond film and serve a steady stream of Vesper Martinis while wearing a full tuxedo. Trust me gentlemen, I know of what I speak!
But you’re not limited to film. Does she secretly fantasize about Don Draper on Mad Men? He always had a Manhattan close at hand. Or for vintage fare, binge-watch season one of Miami Vice and serve her a long line of Mojitos while sporting two-day’s growth of stubble and wearing a pink T-shirt with linen pants—she will Sonny-Crocket you into next week with a smile, Ferrari or not.
#2: The Bartender FantasyI don’t think that I have ever met a girl who did not flirt with a bartender. It’s time to make this secret fantasy come true.
First, set the mood. Dim the lights before she gets home and line the counter with votive candles. Put together a playlist from her heydays. Her music, get it? No, it doesn’t matter whether or not you like it.
Get a vest … Yes, it has to be a vest. Put on a long-sleeve shirt and roll up the cuffs. Slick your hair back and welcome her to the bar. Serve her a tray of chilled oysters on the house. Unless she hates oysters…
Now, this is important… keep a steady steam of her favorite cocktail coming across the counter. Don’t know her favorite? In a pinch, I recommend The Flirtini. And even if you have been dating since the Carter administration, pretend that you don’t know anything about her at all, take your time ….
Pick her up.
Ask her name. Ask her what she is doing in your bar. Let her be anyone or anything she wants to be for the night. You just smile, fake bartending stuff, nod a lot, look into her eyes, and keep serving the drinks.
When the time is right, tell her it’s last call and invite her back to your place for a nightcap. The rest is up to you.
#3: The PamperingThe Pampering is not for the novice. And it is so simple it’s crazy, but it is also the hardest because it requires patience and control, young Jedi. It’s all about the environment … setting the mood and then waiting.
The music … should be set romantic and low. Greet her with a Champagne cocktail and a plush robe as she arrives. The evening begins with a message, and this is where things get dicy for the novice, because here you are, 20 minutes into The Pampering and you are gently rubbing body oil on your … ahem … unclothed sexy woman-beast.
A teenager would explode like napalm, but not you. You will *not* make the first move. Not yet.
After a full 30-minutes of gentle massage you will fight every impulse in your frantic mind and help her put on her robe in a modest and considerate manner. Then you will draw her a bubble bath surrounded by candles, help her into it, and refresh her lovely adult beverage.
On a tray by the tub you have an array of small treats: chocolate-covered strawberries, macadamia nuts, and a few small slices of Jarlsberg cheese (perfect with the champagne cocktail). You will feed her whilst she is in the tub and keep the water pleasantly warm to her liking.
Ask if she is done. When she is, you help her rise while you cover her modestly with a large towel and guide her back to the room where fresh cocktails await. You will gently kiss the nape of her neck … and then you won’t have to make the first move.